Advice to a Betrothed Couple

[gmspencer]

Advice to a Betrothed Couple

I have it upon good authority
That you both have gardening in your genes.
May I suggest rows with formality?
The herb, the Rose and don’t forget the lowly bean.

First break up hard earth and fold it over
And don’t plant your crop too close together.
Breathing room first, then pull up the bed cover
Of loam and soon roots will find each other.

Neglect not the space between and beneath
Your plants. There grows the sucking weed and bores
The cutter worm with aims to wither the wreath.
But don’t obsess either; it’s not a chore:

But simply one way to learn your place
In this world order of time and space
Till the final Spring springs upon our race
And we flower forth our Father’s face.

[job]

Mr. Spencer,

I love the concept and would only suggest by way of "pruning" that you might consider offsetting the pentameter with tetrameter in every other line.

A suggested sample line:

"I have it upon good authority (5 beats)
You both have gardening in your genes (4 beats)..."

This will accomplish two things - it will give the song more of a counterbeat, thus underscoring its lyric mode. It will also force you to sharpen your lines. In lyric, it is often the case that less is more.

I love "then pull up the bed cover/Of loam and soon roots will find each other."

I also appreciate the fecundity of rhyme (Skelton anyone?) in the final stanza. Does a good job of bringing the theme into focus.

Again, a minor suggestion - would the last two lines lose any power if you changed the subject of the second clause to Spring as well:

"Till the final Spring springs upon our race
And flowers forth our Father's face."

I hope you take these in the spirit given - suggestions submitted in humility.

JOB

p.s. I'll post a gardening poem of my own by way of tat for your tit.

[gmspencer]

Dear JOB:
Your suggestions are perfect, just what I'm looking for to understand this business better. Thanks and I will definitely make these changes that improve the poem so much.
gms