"Depth Perception"

[bengeorge]

I don't want to go into too much detail about this story (because I think a story should pretty much explain itself or not) except to note three things:

1. It's about 5~6 printed pages long (Just to let you know.)

2. The narrator of the story is not ME, but rather a CHARACTER that I made up, one who is somewhat addled in his thinking.

3. The tone is meant to be semi-comic.

(Ok, four things) 4. Don't try to decode the "symbols" too much, there's no strict 1-1 correspondance. I feel like the story is really Catholic, but some people have asked me, "What? How?!" while making a crinkly face.

I hope you enjoy!

joeyhoney.blogspot.com/2005/10/depth-perception.html

Thanks!

[pierregambotsky]

I like it! I'm not sure to what extent you can sell it as "Catholic," but its good. I see Catholic elements in the whale, the sailor's interest in the "battle," and what he says about nobody knowing who won inside him until they go around poking inside his heart. I'm not sure I see that so much in the narrator. How does the experience change him? I imagine his feeling of nausea is suppossed to symbolize how he has been unsettled--until he finally pukes out some of what has been festering inside him--but I'm not quite sure it works. The reason is that while this act serves a purpose as a symbol, it doesn't really serve a purpose within the story's universe. What I mean is that in the narrator's world, all that happens is that he pukes because he's seasick... do you know what I mean? Even if to the reader it symbolizes something, in his world it's just a physical reaction. I think you need a different sort of image that serves as a symbol AND also reveals a change in the character within the context of his own world.

I really enjoyed reading it, though. If I've provided criticism for both of the pieces you've put up, it's because I think they deserve the attention. So in other words, please don't think I don't appreciate what you've written. Just trying to help!

[bengeorge]

Pierre, you're absolutely right about the ending not ultimately serving a purpose within the universe of the story--I am leaning too heavily upon the symbol. Very good and very helpful analysis!

[giotto]

A really compellingly written story. Very fine work; I was quite mesmerized the whole way through. My sister came by and pinched me, which I usually flex to, but I didn't this time and she said, "Woah, you must really be absorbed in something."