Post by alaide on Jun 22, 2007 13:39:56 GMT -5
Please let me know what you think:
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“Mi Corazon esta firme, Dios mio, Mi Corazon esta firme.” “My heart is steadfast, Oh God, my heart is steadfast.” Rosario prayed as she saw the bill collectors’ number in the caller ID of her cell phone. “My heart is steadfast.” Her stomach lurched and a wave of anxiety clashed inside her. Third bill collector to call today. Cold November wind blew on Rosario’s face. The phone had rang just as she was about to open the door of her apartment. She let the phone ring away.
Rosario sighed and looked up trying to calm herself. “Lord!” her heart called out and she was surprised when a rush of tears filled her eyes. She swallowed down the emotion. No time for crying. Her frail mother and her young brother were inside the little apartment, and there was no point on disturbing them with a face full of tears.
Papa had died two months ago. Their small restaurant went out of business as the whole family had to pour all their time and money in Papa’s illness. No job. No money. And after all, Papa did die. That day, as Rosario, the only grown child, held her mother she realized the storm was just starting. Papa’s insurance didn’t cover all the expenses of his long illness and without the business the family was submerged in the distress of debt and impending poverty. Sell everything, move into a smaller apartment, avoid the bill collectors, and desperately go to job interviews. Her mom prayed and prayed ant tried to find a job too, but she had been a stay-home mom for the last twenty five years and her English was not the best. It wasn’t going to be easy. They prayed novenas together and made each other laugh. They were each others hope, but they were each others’ burden too.
Rosario used to have dreams. Dreams of moving out, college, friends, just the normal dreams of a twenty-year old. In the depths of her heart she resented Papa for dying, Mama for not speaking English and not being independent, her little brother for still being a child and herself for not being selfish enough to just leave and for not being generous enough to sacrifice everything for them.
She had gone to confession, asked forgiveness for her resentment. But it kept gnawing at her. She kept crying at night. She was filed with regret and resentment when she saw her dreams slip away day by day. For a while she though what she needed was her independence, being ‘free’ from her family, but that was like saying she needed to rip her heart out of her chest.
But that day, too nervous, too resentful and too cold to open up the door she realized what she needed. “Oh God…give me the Grace.’’ Yes. The grace. Rosario stood still allowing her soul to keep praying in silence. “the grace, Oh my Friend, the grace, I just ask for the grace.’’ The last rays of sunlight disappeared and there were no stars in the sky. The night became colder and Rosario felt absolutely nothing happening in her soul. She felt awfully alone.
But she had taken a choice. And even though she didn’t know it or understand it at the moment, she had just received one of the finest graces. Because the best kind of graces do not affect emotions, they permeate the Will. Rosario chose to love. She chose to sacrifice herself out of love, for the love of God and his children. She chose it, and trusted that God would provide the strength. And she was right in trusting Him.
Rosario took out the keys from her purse.
She opened the door and walked in.
Copyright© 2007 ViveJesus! May not be copied in any form (including blogs)without permission.
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“Mi Corazon esta firme, Dios mio, Mi Corazon esta firme.” “My heart is steadfast, Oh God, my heart is steadfast.” Rosario prayed as she saw the bill collectors’ number in the caller ID of her cell phone. “My heart is steadfast.” Her stomach lurched and a wave of anxiety clashed inside her. Third bill collector to call today. Cold November wind blew on Rosario’s face. The phone had rang just as she was about to open the door of her apartment. She let the phone ring away.
Rosario sighed and looked up trying to calm herself. “Lord!” her heart called out and she was surprised when a rush of tears filled her eyes. She swallowed down the emotion. No time for crying. Her frail mother and her young brother were inside the little apartment, and there was no point on disturbing them with a face full of tears.
Papa had died two months ago. Their small restaurant went out of business as the whole family had to pour all their time and money in Papa’s illness. No job. No money. And after all, Papa did die. That day, as Rosario, the only grown child, held her mother she realized the storm was just starting. Papa’s insurance didn’t cover all the expenses of his long illness and without the business the family was submerged in the distress of debt and impending poverty. Sell everything, move into a smaller apartment, avoid the bill collectors, and desperately go to job interviews. Her mom prayed and prayed ant tried to find a job too, but she had been a stay-home mom for the last twenty five years and her English was not the best. It wasn’t going to be easy. They prayed novenas together and made each other laugh. They were each others hope, but they were each others’ burden too.
Rosario used to have dreams. Dreams of moving out, college, friends, just the normal dreams of a twenty-year old. In the depths of her heart she resented Papa for dying, Mama for not speaking English and not being independent, her little brother for still being a child and herself for not being selfish enough to just leave and for not being generous enough to sacrifice everything for them.
She had gone to confession, asked forgiveness for her resentment. But it kept gnawing at her. She kept crying at night. She was filed with regret and resentment when she saw her dreams slip away day by day. For a while she though what she needed was her independence, being ‘free’ from her family, but that was like saying she needed to rip her heart out of her chest.
But that day, too nervous, too resentful and too cold to open up the door she realized what she needed. “Oh God…give me the Grace.’’ Yes. The grace. Rosario stood still allowing her soul to keep praying in silence. “the grace, Oh my Friend, the grace, I just ask for the grace.’’ The last rays of sunlight disappeared and there were no stars in the sky. The night became colder and Rosario felt absolutely nothing happening in her soul. She felt awfully alone.
But she had taken a choice. And even though she didn’t know it or understand it at the moment, she had just received one of the finest graces. Because the best kind of graces do not affect emotions, they permeate the Will. Rosario chose to love. She chose to sacrifice herself out of love, for the love of God and his children. She chose it, and trusted that God would provide the strength. And she was right in trusting Him.
Rosario took out the keys from her purse.
She opened the door and walked in.
Copyright© 2007 ViveJesus! May not be copied in any form (including blogs)without permission.